01/19/2005

14 years.
I’ve cried
I’ve asked why
Not one year has gone by
when this day comes
and I don’t remember

I remember the knock
abrupt and loud
It woke me up
But a ruder awakening
would soon come

To hear the news
to feel the world I knew
shatter in a moment
A lump rose in my throat
and I wept

Little did I know
all the tears that would follow
all the pain that would linger
all the hope that would be lost
Little did I know

Weeks and months passed
but it seemed as though time
stopped

I still see your face
I still hear you voice
I can’t forget you
Your smile and your laugh
I still see your face

My heart ached
my mind reeled
oh, those were dark days
filled with sorrow

Another word came
One I hadn’t known before
I’ve always loved to learn
to know what something means
but I wish I didn’t know this word

They said you meant to die
a suicide
So again, I asked why
but then I started to understand

You knew the world
in a way I had not
but now I knew
and I hated it too

More heartbreak
And then the anger came
Surging, consuming rage
I stopped asking why
because I understood

What do you do
when you become
all that you hate?
When all you feel
is pain?

I understand
but sometimes
I can’t help but wonder
what if you were still alive?

Your death led me to life
but I still miss you

Even if I live a while
I know I’ll always remember
this day

The day my life forever changed
the day my childhood ended
the day darkness came
The day I lost my friend

14 years
And I still miss you.

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